我结婚了，但是并不快乐

I got married when I was 23 years old, and for a while I was unhappy. I couldn't break up our marriage cuz I had always believed divorce was not an option. So I tried to live one day at a time, not over-thinking the future, hoping that things will get better some day.

我23岁就结婚了，但是没过多久，我觉得并不快乐。我不能终止婚姻，因为我从来没有觉得离婚是一种（解决）方式。于是我每天得过且过，不多考虑将来。希望事情会在将来自己改善。

The problem was, it was all me, my wife didn't do anything to upset me and she's genuinely innocent. I didn't laugh when she was telling jokes, mainly because she can't tell jokes and always mess up the punchline, it's also because I didn't love her anymore, but I tried to crack a smile as hard as it was.

但问题是，所有问题都在于我。我的妻子从未做过任何让我失望的事情，而且她非常的单纯。她讲笑话时，我都不笑，因为她根本不会笑话，主要讲不好笑话的梗，也因为我不再爱她，但我还是挤出无比尴尬的笑容。

I didn't even notice when she wore something new or fixed herself for me. I was aware of my problem and that's why I was going crazy, the fact that it's all me. That being said, I have never hurt her or even said something unpleasant to her, I never acted on those feelings, I kept my shit to myself.

我甚至都没有注意她穿了新衣服，或是为我停留。我意识到是我的问题，这就是我为什么抓狂的原因，而且问题完全在我。所以我从来都没有伤害过她，或是讲过什么令她不悦。我不表现这种情绪，都一个人默默承受。

One day I had to just get away for a while, clear my mind, and try and see a bigger picture, if there was one. Of course I didn't make it seem like i'm taking a break or anything, i'm a good actor.

一天，我不得不暂时离开，清理下脑子，试着展望下未来，如果那个未来存在的话。我没有让这次离开看起来像我要休息一下，或是别的（让她误会）的事情，我是一个好演员。

So I left, and took a road trip. Driving always helped me get better for the night. I drive alone and talk out loud and let it all out so I don't burst up and explode during the day.

接着我开启了我的公路之旅，独自一人开夜车让我觉得好过些，我大声讲话，让情绪发泄，这样不至于在白天失控爆发。